Simulate Boosh
by efemanatepixie
Summary: A sinister very bored force is controlling the inhabitants of the Nabootique like Sims! Will they be able to control themselves or will their free will be stolen forever?
1. Prologue

**Yay, my first crossover! Bit of a short prologue I'm afraid, but I'll make up for it in the next chapter. XD**

**Note: Mortimer and Bill are mine, and no one owns The Almighty.**

"Master, I'm bored!"

"Quiet, Mortimer. I've got a planet to run."

Bill, the head of making sure the Earth runs smoothly, was trying to program the week's weather in Iceland. After about two millenniums, The Almighty had got fed up of looking after his creation. Nothing was going right any more. Machines had been invented, people had started saying that _his _creation had been created by science. Because of this, The Almighty created two more beings, Bill and Mortimer, to look after his work while he did tiny insignificant things like draw the clouds and the snowflakes. Bill had noticed the creation of the virtual reality game 'The Sims' and he decided that an edited version of that would be the perfect way to keep a firm grasp on the world. He named his version 'Simulate'.

"Bored, bored, wedi diflasu, ennui, sin interesante," Mortimer skipped around the plain room that he and Bill inhabited, chanting the word 'bored' in all of the world's languages.

"STOP THAT!" Bill exclaimed. "Just…stop. Why don't you pick a random household and play with them on Simulate?"

"Ok, thanks!" Mortimer picked a household. "The Nabootique…that sounds like fun!"


	2. It Begins

**I've written a long chapter! Woohoo!**

**Note: I don't own Vince, Howard, Naboo, Pete Doherty or the Sims, but Mortimer's mine. Also, I hate Hole**

"Hey Howard, you won't believe this!"

"I do not care what Pete Doherty's up to these days."

"How did you know that's what I was gonna say?"

"There's a big picture of him on the front of your NME." Howard pointed out, then lowered his eyes back to his novel.

"Good point." Vince noted. "What are you reading?"

"It's a fantasy-horror novel. You wouldn't like it."

"Ok."

"Howard! Vince! Get up here now, this is important!" Naboo's called urgently from upstairs.

"Bet he can't reach something on a high shelf or something," Vince said to Howard as they simultaneously headed for the stairs.

"No, this actually sounds important."

As they entered Naboo's room, he was looking up in horror at a dream catcher. Well, it looked like a dream catcher, but it was spinning and emitting a noise similar to a fire alarm, but more urgent.

"What in the name of Brian Christ is that?" Howard asked, slightly shocked.

"Brian Christ?"

"Not important." Howard replied sharply. "What is that thing?"

"It's a danger-detector. It's detected some kind of power, but I'm not sure what."

"Howard, what do we do?" Vince asked worriedly, clinging to Howard's arm like a child.

"Vince, don't muck about!" Naboo snapped. "You're twenty-something, not two."

"Is there anything we can do?" Howard asked as Vince shrunk away like a scolded teenager.

"Not really. All I've gathered from the detector is that this thing isn't fatal. We just have to live through it and see what we can do while we're in it."

"If you live through this for me, then I would die for-" Vince sang, but Howard clapped a hand over his mouth.

"Shut up. No one needs to hear Hole, ever."

Just as Vince was about to defend Hole, everything stopped moving. No one could move a muscle. Howard couldn't even move his eyes to look at Naboo, or the rest of the room. It was like something, or someone, had paused them.

_"Wow, this place needs a makeover." Mortimer thought as he paused the game in order to decorate. "The people could do with a makeover too. That guy looks like a girl! I think I'll make him indistinguishable from a girl in a bit."_

Vince watched in shock as Naboo's nice psychedelic wallpaper was replaced with ghastly yellow and green check, and the shiny floorboards were replaced with gaudy yellow and orange swirly pattern. All was still for awhile, then things started changing again. The lovely four-poster bed disappeared, along with all the ceiling cloths and all of Naboo's furniture, apart from the spellbook cupboard, which was just turned yellow. The furniture was replaced with a dance-floor, a bar, a bubble blower and a disco ball. All was still for a bit more. Then, finally, they regained mobility.

"Wow, that was weird…" Howard murmured, slightly disorientated.

"This place looks like a nightclub!" Naboo cried, horrified. "It's supposed to be my bedroom!"

"Hey Naboo, can I host a party here tonight?" Vince asked.

"NO! Aren't you a bit worried about what just happened?"

"Yeah, it was well creepy. I'm just trying to make the best of the situation."

"You're always trying to make the best of situations." Howard interjected.

"And that's why you love me." Vince tried to give Howard a cuddle, but Howard pushed him away, saying "Don't touch me."

"When you two _newlyweds _have stopped _having a tiff_, we should go and inspect the rest of the flat and the shop to see what else has changed." Naboo said loudly over their squabbles. Vince blushed and Howard scowled at them both.

"I'll check the living room and kitchen, you can check the shop and Vince can check our bedroom, ok?" Howard suggested commandingly. There was a general positive murmur.

"Ok, let's go."

Vince was the first to get to his destination. He gasped. Their usually brownish red walls and carpet had been replaced with a plush dark red carpet and matching walls. Their separate beds had been switched with a heart-shaped double bed, with soft feather pillows, silk sheets and blankets and heart-shaped light bulbs framing the bed-head. There were colour-changing hearts hanging on the walls and there was a huge red wardrobe. Vince walked carefully towards the wardrobe, wishing over and over in his head "Please let my clothes be in there, oh please let my clothes be in there." He opened the doors gingerly, and shrieked. Half of the wardrobe was filled with Howard's normal clothes, but with more tweed and elbow patches. But the other half, where Vince's clothes should be, was filled with dresses, skirts, tights and skimpy tops. He rifled through them, speechless. The dresses were all frilly and covered in bows and ruffles. The skirts were practically the same. The tights were all bright colours, some with flowers, some without. The tops were awful as well, covered in ribbons and other girly things. Vince almost cried, but he suppressed the tears so he wouldn't smudge his eyeliner. He noticed a drawer at the base of the wardrobe. "My clothes might be in there," He thought, then opened it. He wished he hadn't. It was full of garters, tight girl's lingerie and other unspeakable things. Vince stumbled away from the wardrobe, retching.

Just before Vince opened the wardrobe, Howard reached the living room. His eyes widened. It had been transformed into a classic family home. The wallpaper had become plain red with white skirting boards, the carpet a deep burgundy. The kitchen now had light brown walls and floor, with appliances to match. The furniture in the living room was, eerily, almost exactly the same as the furniture in Howard's childhood home. Lots of brown wood and ballet art. Just as Howard's mind digested this, he heard Vince's shriek. He turned around then went to see what was wrong. When he got to Vince, his face was tinged green and his eyes wide with terror. Howard looked around the room, confused.

"What the hell…"

"The thing's turned our room into a honeymoon place! It thinks I'm a girl!" Vince's voice was high with panic. "Look in the wardrobe!"

Howard looked in the wardrobe. "Eew…"

"What the heck happened here?!" Naboo's voice sounded just as disgusted as Howard felt and Vince looked.

The reason for this was because Naboo had just had a proper look around the shop. Instead of the usual nick-nacks the shop was supposed to hold, everywhere was coated in Twilight. Everywhere. On the shelves, on the walls, in the counter, on the counter, everywhere was coated in Edward, Bella, Jacob and the rest of the characters. Along with all the Twilight memorabilia, there were CDs and posters. My Chemical Romance, Green Day, Flyleaf, Panic! at the disco, AFI, and music of that genre.

"It's like an Emo bomb exploded in my shop, taken all of my stuff and replaced it with stuff of its own!" Naboo shouted up the Howard and Vince.

"My jazz records!"

"My spare clothes! At the time I need them most!"

"Naboo, come and have a look at our room! It has to be the worst!"

Naboo was up there in a flash. As soon as he saw, he grimaced.

"Oh no."

_"Right, time to get started." Mortimer selected Vince as the chosen Sim, clicked on the wardrobe then clicked 'Plan outfit…Everyday.'_

"AH! I can't control my body! Something's making me go to the wardrobe!" Vince yelped.

"I have a theory," Naboo said to Howard as Vince was 'made to' change his outfit. "Have you heard of that game 'The Sims'?"

"No."

"It's a virtual reality compute game. This is like an extremely advanced version of that."

Howard was about to reply, but then he saw what Vince had been made to wear. He was wearing a bright red dress that was tight at the waist and upper arm, but flowed into ruffles at the skirt and the lower arm.

"You look ridiculous." Howard informed Vince.

"God, I do, don't I? Oh no, now where's it taking me?"

The thing was making Vince go towards his dressing table, sit down, and take makeup and hair products out of the drawer. Howard and Naboo watched in horror, and amazement, at what the thing did to Vince's face and hair. Within five minutes, Vince was transformed. His hair had been straightened, then feathered. Then, his makeup had been done. His mascara had been thickened, as had his eyeliner. His light blush had been replaced with dark rouge, and he was now wearing burgundy lipstick. And finally, there was a small trail of stars going from the corner of his right eye into a swirl on his cheek. They appeared to have been drawn there with heavily sharpened red and black eyeliner pencils. Before anyone could say anything, they were paused again.

_"Ok, right-click, facial adjustments, nose." Mortimer said to himself as he straightened and slightly shrank Vince's nose. The he rounded Vince's face a bit, making it look a bit more feminine._

"Oh my god…" Howard exclaimed when he saw Vince.

"What, what's wrong?"

"Vince, look in the mirror."

He did. He screamed.

"AAAAAAH! It's transformed me into a girl!"

"Only in your face and hair, right?" Howard asked warily. "I don't want to have to call you Vincetta."

"Of course only in my face and hair! I don't sound like a girl do I?" Vince screeched indignantly, hands on hips. "Oh my god, I do sound like a girl."

"He's not turning into a girl is he Naboo?" Howard looked a bit scared.

"It's possible."

"Oh no…"

"Why does it bother you so much Howard?" Vince asked suspiciously.

"Because I can't talk to girls can I? I don't want to lose my best friend!"

"And 'cos you'd fancy me."

"I would not!"

"Howard, are you feeling ok?" Naboo asked.

"Why?"

"Because Vince has been controlled, I'm just wondering if you're still acting on your own free will."

"Yeah, I think I am."

"_Hm, what can I do to the other two?" Mortimer wondered. "That guy's fine for the moment. What can I do to the moustached one? He will flirt with Girl-Boy in a bit, but he needs to look the part of a romantic. I think I'll get the shaman high while I think."_

"Oh no, it's controlling me now. Listen Howard, don't resist the controlling power. It'll hurt!" Naboo was whisked off to his room.


	3. Love Potion 85

**Yay, I like how this story is going!**

"How can I sort this out?"

Vince was trying to de-feather his hair and get it back to normal, but every time he sorted it out, the power-force made him put it back into the feathery style.

"This is getting ridiculous. Vince you can't change it!" Howard blurted out after hearing Vince swear under his breath for the sixth time after being made to redo the feathering. Naboo was laughing manically down the hall in his room.

"What's so funny?" Vince asked, after giving up on fixing his hair.

"He's using the 'bubble blower'." Howard replied trying, and failing, to put down the badly written romance novel the power-force was making him read.

"Bubble blower?"

"The thing him and Bollo are always using."

"Oh that! Where is Bollo?"

"I think Naboo sent him out on a mission or something. He should be back in a day or two at the most."

"_Oh, I know the perfect outfit for Mr. Moustache!" Mortimer realised suddenly._

"No, it's making me do stuff now." Howard complained, finally putting down the cursed book. He was walked to the wardrobe.

"Wonder what you're gonna have to wear. Hopefully something really uncomfortable."

"Why do you want me to suffer?" Howard's voice was muffled as he was talking into the wardrobe.

"I don't want to be alone in the whole suffering thing. Naboo's obviously having a whale of a time." Vince pointed out as another hysterical shriek came from Naboo's room.

Howard changed his outfit. Vince burst into fits of giggles when he saw what Howard was wearing. He was wearing a white shirt with flared sleeves with a black waistcoat over the top and a pair of flared trousers. He was wearing a black bowler hat as well, but it was the expression Howard was wearing that made Vince laugh the most. An expression of misery, coupled with hate.

"I'm so going to kill you."

"Ha ha, yeah right." Vince scoffed.

"Scoff all you like Sir, I will get my revenge."

"I'd like to see that, with someone controlling your every move."

Howard opened his mouth to retort, then closed it again. He had no argument. Vince laughed. "See? I'm always right."

"That's not true. Do you remember that time when you said that Emilie Autumn came before William Shakespeare?"

"Yeah, I was right! Shakespeare stole some of the lines from the song Opheliac."

"I think you'll find it was vice versa."

"I think you'll find that you're **wrong**!"

Before Howard point out that Shakespeare was ages before Emilie Autumn, the power-force dragged him to the living room. It made him dial a number he'd never known before and ask for Crystalla, then ask Crystalla to send him some 'LP 8.5'. Then he got to go back to Vince.

"Do you know a Crystalla Vince?"

"Crystalla? Yep, she's a fortune teller."

"For some reason, I had to ask her to send me three bottles of LP 8.5. What is it?"

Vince shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know. Can you help me de-feather my hair? It's not working. I think I'm gonna cry."

"Don't cry Vince. Why don't you go and have a shower or something? The water should flatten your hair out."

"Thanks."

While all this was happening with Vince and Howard, Naboo managed to pull himself away from the bubble blower and do some research on the Sims. His shaman leads told him that God's helpers run the world with a better made version of the Sims called Simulate.

"Nonsense," He said to himself as he put the phone down in the middle of Tony Harrison's rants about God's helpers and Simulate. "Everyone knows that God's helpers are flying monkeys from Pluto."

*****

There was a knock at the door. Howard answered it as Vince was in the shower. An old woman was there, holding three bottles of glowing pink liquid.

"Howard?"

"That's me."

"LP 8.5, or Love Potion 8.5 as it's fully called."

"Thanks." Howard took the bottles from her. She disappeared.

Howard was about to walk upstairs, but then the power-force made him hide the bottles in a Twilight bag as he walked up to the flat.

"I wonder why I've got to hide them from Vince?" Howard said in his mind as he snuck upstairs. Suddenly, everything fitted together, like a jigsaw. Vince being made more feminine, the clothes in the wardrobe, the room, the love potions, it all fitted. The power-force were going to make him and Vince into a couple.

"No, I can't have that!"

_Mortimer heard Howard's thoughts as he fitted all the pieces together. "He's gonna try and rebel, then he'll see the full power of Simulate!"_

"_Mortimer, you're not ruining their lives too much are you?" Bill shouted from his computer._

"_Um…No!" Mortimer lied, then carried on ruining their lives_

"I'm gonna fight the power-force!" Howard said to himself, but then Naboo's words rang in his ears. "Howard, don't resist the controlling power. It'll hurt!"

"I have to though! My friendship with Vince will wither otherwise!"

He hid the bottles under his and Vince's bed. "Naboo? Can I talk to you?"

"Yep."

Howard went into Naboo's room. Naboo hastily put the bubble blower tube down. "How can I help you?"

Howard recounted his new discoveries. "…and the power thingy made me hide the bottles under the bed. I'm gonna resist the force."

"No! You can't, it's really dangerous." Naboo informed him. "Dennis says that if you rebel against the force, then it'll override your system, and you'll crash, like a computer."

"So, basically, it's turning us into machines."

"No. It's possessing you. If they quit the game, then we'll be able to control ourselves, but our appearance, our house, that'll all be the same. But, if they don't save, we'll collapse, then wake up just before it all started, then we'll live out what would have happened."

"How can we make them quit? Whoever 'they' are."

"I don't know. Act really boring?"

"We can try it."


End file.
